Hello, friends. I seem to have gotten sidetracked recently, and really hadn’t intended on falling away for so long. Actually, I hadn’t planned to take a break from this space at all. Though, in all honesty, I feel like this season has been a little rough. It might be something to do with the cold; it’s 32 degrees on some of these California mornings and when my house doesn’t heat up at night, I’m motivated to do little but retreat under piles of heavy blankets before I’ve done anything productive or anything that I enjoy. Have you felt that, too? That darkness gets me bad. The kind that fills in the light just before I leave work at night; it’s a real bummer if I don’t make it out for a chilly walk in the afternoon. And then there’s those caffeine-immune sleepies that hit me whether I sleep four or nine hours. And that lack of motivation when it’s comes to training for that little half marathon. And nothing sounds dreamier than thick socks, a hot vanilla chai and a movie. I know that I know that I know that I’m not the only one.
It might have something to do with the holidays, too. They’ve never bothered me that I can remember. But this year, I’m struggling to complete any one gift. My creativity feels dry as everything I’m making seems lackluster and nothing like I imagined. I’m already feeling the pull of having divorced parents; almost 30 years in, it’s still not any easier to explain why only one side gets me on Christmas day. I love Christmas, but like a lot of people, I’ll be okay when all of the expectations of Christmas are behind us.
One thing I’ve tried focusing on this past year are all of those little things that make like so special. So when the sky seems too dark and my eyelids don’t feel like staying open, I think of those things. Lately, I’ve smiled big at a clean desktop, so I can focus a little bit better on art and projects; miraculously, it worked. I’ve smiled at getting caught up on “Parenthood” and “Grey’s Anatomy,” hearing She & Him’s Christmas album, hanging white socks on a mantle over a wood stove, eating cayenne pepper peanut brittle made by a friend and waking up to three dogs sleeping on my bed, even if they are not allowed and they take up all of my space.
How are you feeling this time of year? I’m imagining a lot of people are tired as Christmas is only days away. I’m so excited for the time to celebrate with friends and family and to have a little bit of time to myself. What is making you smile these days?