Happy Birthday, Laura

Dear Laura,

Happy Birthday, friend. You’ve been gone from this world eight months, though I feel like I’ve just heard your laugh and sat across from you on your patio. It still feels like your on one of your vacations to Belize or Costa Rica. Sometimes when I think about you, I think that you’re still busy taking those evening classes. But then it hits me, and that little shocking electric feeling goes through my body and I remember.

Sometimes I imagine you watching me. I can hear that pitch your voice would go to when you’d get really excited. I can hear your laugh and your whispers. And I can hear you laughing out loud and saying, “Lauren!” or “Oh My God!” when you find out little secrets or interesting tidbits of life. It’s interesting, isn’t it? I often wonder what you’re thinking, what you’d say, what advice you would give. I wonder, too, if you’re proud of me or nudging me further or shaking your head. And it makes me smile, either way, because I imagine your expressions and that keeps you here in some way. I do wish, though, that I could just text you and say hi and maybe ask you, “who am I supposed to be?” “what does the music sound like in heaven?” “am I doing the right thing?” and “where do all of the things go that we misplace?”

It’s still not fair that you’re not here, that you’re life was taken way too soon. I used to think “that it was meant to be,” but I’m not sure I really believe that. It frustrates me that I can’t share new events, experiences and loves with you. I just have to believe that you know, and you get it.

If it weren’t for melanoma, we’d probably be leaving to celebrate your birthday at the beach house. But even though we’re not, I’m still celebrating you in the way I try to every day: By learning to be me completely, with tons of love and care and no fear or regrets. You are still with me every day, friend.

Happy birthday, gypsy girl.

Love, Lorena

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3 Responses to Happy Birthday, Laura

  1. Sweet Lauren…
    I’m positive the gypsy girl read your words and smiled as she swung on her jeweled cloud swing. How wonderful to have a beautiful angel watching over you. Awesome post…especially love Laura tossing the blooms…wow.

  2. Maggie says:

    I still always love looking at her beauty in these photos because you can tell she is so completely comfortable with herself and so trusting with you behind the lens. I’m sure she would always be proud of you, no matter where life takes you. She is with you everyday, guiding, nudging and holding your hand when you need it. And even though it’s not fair and we question whether it was “meant to be”, I know I’m so thankful for every moment I got to spend with her and watching your “soul sister connection.”

  3. patty says:

    Lovely tribute to your friend who impacted your life in positive ways.

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