Happy Birthday, Emma.

Hi beautiful Emma Faye,

It’s your auntie Lauren here. Well, you were born today just before lunchtime. You weigh one and half pounds, are 12 inches in length and you are much smaller than the baby doll I toted around as a little girl. You have been quite the gift, as it is your mommy’s birthday, too. We weren’t expecting you until the weather was a little nicer, until May 21; we joked about that date because that’s when all the street signs say the world is going to end. We knew your existence would make a bang. And it has.

We celebrated your birthday with tears, baby Emma, because you only graced this world with your beautiful everlasting presence for a couple of hours. And what a difference you have made. You are still our miracle baby, and you will never be forgotten (especially because half of our family members have vowed to have your footprints tattooed on their bodies … but that’s our family for you).

When I first saw you, you were much smaller than I expected. You looked all warm and snuggy pressed against your momma in that pink afghan, and everything felt peaceful. Your arms were folded on top of each other and you had that look that your mom and grandpa get when they sleep — just totally out of it, in utter bliss. You wore a long white nightgown with a translucent trim around the edges, and I thought it was almost too much. But then I held you and read you and had a moment and realized that you are very wise and deep and would probably really like those fancy pajamas. You had that look that told me you’d want to borrow my books — or write your own — and you’d be more successful and smarter than all of us. It was like you had the wisdom of the entire universe in those fingertips.

Today, your daddy held you a lot, too. He looked at you with a ton of love with those big inquiring eyes of his. I think you really helped in a lot of ways.

Your big sister, Sophia, came to see you, too. I’m sure she’s been jabbering to you all evening from the privacy of her bed, because she was really excited to see you. It was hard for her to learn that you had gone on to heaven, but when she and I left to buy sushi for everyone, she admitted she was pretty jealous that you’ve been in heaven, kickin’ it with Joseph — you know, her favorite person in the Bible. Did you hear her song to you in the parking lot? Yep, she’s going to be a singer. And did you hear us say, “we love you, Emma,” right before we finally found the gas station? (thanks, by the way).

We don’t understand why you had to go, Beautiful Emma, but I know you made an imprint while you were here — and you will continue to. We all love you so, so much. Don’t worry about your mommy and daddy. They are strong, and they even managed to laugh a little tonight (at auntie Kayla, of course — and because we were eating the rest of the chocolate cake after everyone went home).

Beautiful Emma, it was lovely being your auntie today. I love you more than I know how to say. I will miss you and think of you every time your little brother Joseph wraps his arms around my neck and every time Sophia begs me to ride skateboards. I will imagine you there and I will know that you are in heaven being completely amazed.

This is not goodbye, because we will talk always. Love, love, love you forever, Beautiful Emma.


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7 Responses to Happy Birthday, Emma.

  1. ~L~ says:

    What a beautiful photo and tribute for an angel, my thoughts and prayers with the family.

  2. Jenna says:

    Just wanted to say, so sorry for your loss. Beautiful post.

  3. Mary says:

    Beautiful and well written post. I’m sorry for your loss. Those pictures truly make her look like a little angel.

  4. jen howell says:

    Lauren- I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute.

  5. michael says:

    I realize that I’m a stranger, and an intruder, at that and for that I apologize. But just as it is in this physical world I’m somewhat of a “cyber nomad” and while taking a break from reality I followed links that ultimately brought me here. I’m glad that it did. There seems to be a shortage of love in this world today.

    You all had something there, if even for a couple of hours, that was all about the love of her and of those around you. If I could be anything, it would be jealous but I am not. I am grateful that it exists, even in small amounts. We are given the gift of uncertainty and when we are given gifts, and challenges, we should realize that they are all unexpected and temporary. We should all cherish the life, the day, the hours that we are given. They will not last. Feel comfort in the fact that you will all see each other again and it will be wonderful. That is something you have to know.

  6. Des says:

    Lauren- This was a beautiful tribute. I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. Button says:

    I have been reading your blog off and on. This is a beautiful post and I want to say I am sorry for your families loss.

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